Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Keyword:
Watches
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance
Body
Things
Watches
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
Segal's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Things
Time
Watches
I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Watches
Xerox
I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking; but I strongly object when they start shaking them to make certain they are still going.
William Norman Birkett
(1883 – 1962) British barrister, judge, politician & preacher
Communication
Speech
Time
Boredom
Watches
Men love watches with multiple functions; my husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
People
Things
Functions
Watches